One day soon I will get to kiss this chubby little face!
The appointment was at 8. I showed up 10 minutes early with the hopes they’d get me done early and I could get back to the OR on time. Actually, the real reason I was early… My bladder was already full and I wanted to pee!
“Did you drink your water?” The receptionist asked.
“Yes, I sure did!”
She eyed my large coffee cup suspiciously, “you drank water?” She asked tersely.
I sat back in the waiting room and waited. 8:10 – my gosh, I have to pee! 8:15 -I can’t wait anymore, I should ask them is I can half pee while I wait. 8:20 – they call my name, finally.
She starts the scan and, of course, my bladder is too full: “please use the washroom and pee until you are comfortable.” What does that mean? Is it ever comfortable to pee only half way?
She took the pictures, and by gosh, it looks like a baby! Arms, legs, everything! Even a little heart beating at 154!
This is just too real now!
12:30pm – I’m nervous. I’m going for my ultrasound soon and I really have no idea what it’s going to show. I also have no idea how I’m going to react. For the past few days I’ve been feeling like maybe it was a bad decision to have another baby. I haven’t been coping well with the exhaustion and nausea, especially at work. I’ve been unsure of why I made this decision in the first place. Maybe this is the way it is supposed to be. However, when I pulled my doctor to the side of the hospital hallway this morning to tell her about what was happening and she showed me the slightest bit of sympathy, I had to fight back the tears. Yes, it is nerve wracking. If I really did doubt this pregnancy now, you’d think I would be less emotional about this all. I’m trying to remain ca and tell myself that, whatever the result, everything will ultimately be okay. I hope I right, either way.
1:45pm – I’m in the waiting room for the ultrasound. My bladder is very, very full. The nurse from my Dr office told me that if I drank enough water, they might not need to do an endovaginal scan. I wish she didn’t tell me that because I’m worried they will do it anyway and that extra time and waiting will just cause more stress and anxiety. Does I’m having a hard time with the idea that it might not be okay. I keep thinking that nothing’s wrong and all of this is just a huge precaution; maybe something that needs to happen to show me how much I really do want with baby. I am fully prepared for the results to be normal and to go back to work…
2:10pm – It’s all done. This time they put the image up on a big television screen in front of me while she scanned for the images. Very quickly she passed over my uterus and the embryo. Even though she went quicklu, I know what to look for and I thought I was the flickering heartbeat.
I was right. There is a heartbeat. Everything is okay for now. I feel a sense of relief.