Ultrasound Emotions

12:30pm – I’m nervous. I’m going for my ultrasound soon and I really have no idea what it’s going to show. I also have no idea how I’m going to react. For the past few days I’ve been feeling like maybe it was a bad decision to have another baby. I haven’t been coping well with the exhaustion and nausea, especially at work. I’ve been unsure of why I made this decision in the first place. Maybe this is the way it is supposed to be. However, when I pulled my doctor to the side of the hospital hallway this morning to tell her about what was happening and she showed me the slightest bit of sympathy, I had to fight back the tears. Yes, it is nerve wracking. If I really did doubt this pregnancy now, you’d think I would be less emotional about this all. I’m trying to remain ca and tell myself that, whatever the result, everything will ultimately be okay. I hope I  right, either way. 

1:45pm – I’m in the waiting room for the ultrasound. My bladder is very, very full. The nurse from my Dr office told me that if I drank enough water, they might not need to do an endovaginal scan. I wish she didn’t tell me that because  I’m worried they will do it anyway and that extra time and waiting will just cause more stress and anxiety. Does I’m having a hard time with the idea that it might not be okay. I keep thinking that nothing’s wrong and all of this is just a huge precaution; maybe something that needs to happen to show me how much I really do want with baby. I am fully prepared for the results to be normal and to go back to work…

2:10pm – It’s all done. This time they put the image up on a big television screen in front of me while she scanned for the images. Very quickly she passed over my uterus and the embryo. Even though she went quicklu, I know what to look for and I thought I was the flickering heartbeat. 

I was right.  There is a heartbeat. Everything is okay for now. I feel a sense of relief. 

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8 thoughts on “Ultrasound Emotions

  1. YAY ! =) I only want you to be able to be content, or at least less nervous. May you have the outcome that you desire, the strength to deal with whatever comes your way and the grace to allow us bloggity friends to be there for you. =) Enough said. =)

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Oh dear…I have never been through a pregnancy, but it all seems terrifying, exciting, confusing at the same time. Keep blogging and getting your thoughts and fears out there. You are helping other women, whether you know it or not. Keep shining on, brave momma! 😀

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Hehe… it’s normal to feel all of these emotions! There were a few times I thought I was pregnant with #4, and I went back and forth between “oh, crap…” and “this is great!” When it really DID happen, I was kind of numb… then happy… then nervous and scared… arrgh!

    In the three months that I was pregnant with that baby, each day was different… sometimes I wondered “What the hell was I thinking?! I can’t even handle the three kids that I have!” Other times I just couldn’t wait to experience the newborn stage all over again, feel like a fresh start. Of course, now that I’ve lost the baby, none of that other stuff seems to matter and I just wish everything would be alright.

    Glad to hear the ultrasound went well! I’ve had vaginal ultrasounds before, and actually prefer them to having a full bladder! I’ve had so many ultrasounds since my pregnancies are high-risk, and each visit with met with both anxiety and excitement.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thanks for sharing. I’m relieved to hear that I’m not the only person who experiences these thoughts, and especially from someone who who has had the ultimate, yet unfortunate, ability to reflect on what your pregnancy really meant to you.

      Like

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