Today I am leaving for a conference and I have a 4 hour plane ride. I am bringing Brené Brown’s Daring Greatly with me, as it is the one book of her’s that I have yet to finish reading.
I have found this path of living authentically and with vulnerability has become increasingly challenging. Lately, I feel like it has been getting me more into “trouble” than benefitting me in any way. As I’ve opened myself up to vulnerability and allowed myself to appear more “human” and “real” in my everyday life, I have really just opened myself up to more criticism. I really feel like the world (at least my world) is not ready for this style of living.
I know that the biggest challenge I have with this way of living is that I am currently in limbo between a “real life job” as a physician and the “dependence and judgment” of being a student. I have chosen this lifestyle for myself for the next 4ish years (I am already 1.5 years into it). I have allowed myself to be open and honest in certain forums and settings about the struggles I have as a parent, as a hard working mom, and as a physician. Unfortunately, that has mostly led me to receive comments or criticism about “not appearing happy,” or “being to open.” I find this makes me feel bad about myself and the decisions I have made.
I feel like instead of standing out as an authentic person, I am struggling to defend myself against criticism. I am hoping that revisiting the origin of my authenticity movement will give me renewed strength and perserverence. Or perhaps it might even guide me back in the gout direction, if it turns out that maybe I have strayed from the right course.