“One of the greatest tragedies in life is to lose your own sense of self and accept the version of you that is expected by everyone else.”
― K.L. Toth
How do we know when we are on the right path in life?
How do we know that we made all the right decisions for all the right reasons?
I have come to a crossroads, perhaps a crossing of paths like the one famously described by Robert Frost’s most quoted poem.
I’m acutely aware of a dissonance in my life – the two largest parts of my life suddenly seem to clash with each other. I am not a happy mother because I know that when it comes to my kids, I have sacrificed more of what they need of me than makes me comfortable. I am not a happy resident because I’ve come to realize that perhaps the amalgamation of my parts – the very aspects of my life that make me the person I am – does not completely fit the criteria of what my superiors want to see.
I cannot take more away from my life at home – from my children; from me – and force myself to become someone who isn’t really the person I am meant to be. If I continue down this path, I know that at the end I will be more unhappy than I am right now.
Unfortunately, the other path is scary, unknown, and not what I ever imagined in my life. I don’t know what the end will look like or what I have to traverse to get to that end.
What I do know is this:
I am a mother to three beautiful children, and that should be celebrated.
I am a physician who is caring and compassionate, and that should be valued.
I work hard to bring balance to my life, and that should be what matters most.
I love my job, but do I love my job enough to let the other pieces of myself wither away?