We face decisions everyday. Some are those types of decisions that are made without even thinking: Starbucks coffee? Pants or shorts? Dinner in or dinner out?
But what about those decisions that feel impossible to make? Those decisions that seem to have no right and no wrong choice? Each choice is equally good and equally bad… So the decision becomes an impossible one to make.
Or maybe there is a clear right and a clear wrong to the decision, but you are just unable to elucidate which is which. There are those times when the wrong decision feels like the right decision and you get fooled into making the wrong choice.
Has this happened to you?
My maternity leave is coming to an end. I specifically chose to only take 5 months of my full year leave because I didn’t want to put myself too far behind in my training. I don’t want my surgical skills to wane, I want to write my exam on time, I want to stay with my cohort of colleagues, and part of me misses work.
The trade-off: I could spend a whole 7 more months at home with my kids.
I don’t feel ready to go back. The time I have had off feels like it has been stolen from me because I’ve had to deal with work problems while I’ve been off. We are losing our nanny and my husband doesn’t want a new one; therefore, our childcare situation going forward is rather precarious. I feel, deep down inside of my soul, that going back to work in two weeks is going to cause my home/family life to spin out of control.
Lately I have been thinking more about extending my leave and taking off my full year. The reasons I made the initial decision haven’t changed, but I feel like priorities have shifted. Despite this shift, I find this decision is still impossible to make. There is no clear right or wrong, and the advice I get from everyone I talk to is the same: Do what’s best for you and your family.
Unfortunately, I feel like what’s best for me and my family is not very clear right now.