Just Be With It

Yesterday was a bad day… It’s a really long story, the kind that requires knowledge of the background situation and a good handle of what my day-to-day job entails.

Originally, This blog entry included all the details of what happened. I decided to delete it all though, because it just made me feel so bad and I don’t want to give the situation that much power over me.

Ultimately, I received a poor evaluation for my last rotation before El was born. This shocked me for a number of reasons, but mostly because I felt that the rotation went very well and was no different than any other rotation I’ve done.  Also, at no point during the rotation did anyone tell me that they thought I was acting or performing so far below their expectations that I deserved to fail. In fact, I only ever got positive feedback from people.

I know this evaluation is inaccurate and untrue. I have my beliefs as to why this may have happened and I have started the process of appealing the evaluation. Regardless, it made me feel horrible about myself and it made me feel completely helpless in the face of the guy who seemed more than satisfied to give me a failing evaluation.

In light of my recent feelings of inadequacy at home, this certainly didn’t make me feel geat about myself at all.  I am trying to do a good job of everything in my life and I feel like I am falling short everywhere (even if I’m technically not). It just constantly feels like I’m doing something wrong.  This meeting completely ruined my day yesterday, and it ruined my night. I am trying hard not to let it ruin my whole week.  While this situation does need to be sorted out and rectified in some way, I’m going to try hard to just “let it be.”  There has to be something to learn from this situation.

(Thanks to a wonderful blogging friend who posted this image on that other big social networking site… I needed to see this today)

9 thoughts on “Just Be With It

  1. Arggghhh… and sigh. I have nothing but hugs for you, Aggie I think you are composed and doing the right thing in appealing the decision. I am sorry you have to struggle with this, but know if you breathe, make your case with the clarity and determination that you are known for, this will be taken care of. I despise that the onus is on you to correct the situation though…

    As far as feeling out of sorts like you are juggling but dropping the balls, I hear where you are coming from. Even though Baby El is your third, I think all new parents go through that time of uncertainty and helplessness. You are among friends here, and we have your back, for what it is worth. =) =) Be calm, be well, and believe in your muchness. =) =) =)

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I love those words on the image, but imagine they’re very difficult to act on when things are bad. But it’s certainly worth a try. And while you’re trying, trust yourself. You know, and we know your value, and that doesn’t change just because some random guy doesn’t know it. Don’t let the negative self talk get to you, that’s not making the best of the situation.

    Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s