“If you are not happy, you had better stop worrying about it and see what treasures you can pluck from your own brand of unhappiness.”
I had a difficult week at work. I was tired from waking up early every day, putting in long hours at a mentally challenging job. I had some patient cases that challenged me beyond my limits and made me feel like I’m not smart enough to be doing what I’m doing. And worse, I felt like I will never be smart enough or capable enough to do this job I’ve picked for myself. Saturday was no better, when I still had to get out of bed, put on my blue scrubs, and cart myself to work and do it all over again for another day.
The day started out with a difficult case: a woman who was sick and only getting worse. The baby inside of her also showing signs of not thriving well. The decision was made to deliver her baby and we wheeled her into the operating room. A 27 week baby that looked more like a 24 week baby that was difficult to deliver… a lifeless baby that I handed to the nurse… a baby that needed CPR before being intubated and whisked away to the NICU. And the a tattered uterus to put back together.
I left the OR feeling more tired and deflated. The feeling of the baby’s brittle bones between my fingers and his heavy doll-like head bobbing in my hands was etched in my mind. I walked back into the delivery room waiting for the next disaster but instead found a large bouquet of flowers on the desk… and it was for me. A rare and unbelievable gift from my husband – something to keep me going for the day. The card simply said, “Have a great day, Beautiful.”
And therein are my treasures: A loving husband, who might not always seem to “get me,” but he loves me nonetheless. Two healthy children who will never know the difficulties of the baby I had just delivered. Another growing child inside of me – one that I came by rather easily. A job that I love, despite how much it exhausts me. And, all the opportunity and ability that anyone in the world could wish for.