I Heard You Blog

It seems like people talk about it more, now that it’s gone. Not the ones I wished would have talked about it – people outside of work – the people who would have loved reading it for what it really was. 

“I heard that you blog.”

“Yes, I do – I did – I guess I still do.  It’s just not the same.”

I’ve still been mourning the loss of my old blog. I’m finding it difficult to get back into a place of comfort and belonging in this new space. I don’t really know why, since it’s the same platform and there are some of the same readers, and some great new readers, and nothing else has really changed.  Except that I feel sensored. I feel like I failed at the one thing I wanted to do: express myself like it didn’t really matter. But then it did, and I quit. 

“I haven’t heard anyone talking about you in a bad way. In fact, the only thing I’ve ever heard anyone say about you is that you’re a good surgeon, and at this point in your training, that’s a really good thing to have people saying about you.”

I didn’t blog last week because I was feeling down about life. I was experiencing a relapse of everything that I’ve experienced before and it was heightened by a new level of exhaustion and frustration. I thought, momentarily, to blog about it. However, all the background is gone : three years history of anxiety struggles, medical struggles, parenting struggles – everything that was previously so well documented isn’t there anymore. So where do I start?  It feels hopeless. 

I know it’s not hopeless, but it doesn’t change the feeling all that much. I just have to remember that I do have some great blogging friends – new and old – who are here to read whatever I have to say. I just have to get back to saying it. 

Thanks to a blogging friend who was once looking for this Duplo Set. I found it for you!

2 thoughts on “I Heard You Blog

  1. “I feel like I failed at the one thing I wanted to do: express myself like it didn’t really matter. But then it did, and I quit.” Reading this made me realize why you’re having a hard time jumping in here. Try to remember that only a very small number of people cared negatively about you expressing yourself, and that tons of people care positively about you expressing yourself. And don’t let those few make you feel like quitting. You’re way above that. Let the small people stay below you, and just keep on going. I think you can even just jump in here and write as though you’ve already explained details. Or maybe jump in with your goals and give some background there. Just remember that, “if you build it they will come.”

    Liked by 4 people

  2. Perfectly said, Mel.
    I understand the way you feel,AA, but you will get your mojo back. Take it slowly if you need to, tread lightly if you feel more comfortable doing so, but don’t give up, you’re too good for that. .

    Liked by 1 person

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